7th Commandment: Making Marriage Work

Here is another set of articles worth reading about both the challenges that can affect marriage and things that can help strengthen it.

Differences Between an Abusive Marriage and a Healthy One

So many times, women who have left abusive relationships hop right out of the frying pan and into the fire because a man comes along who is a tiny bit “better” than the former abuser. It is so difficult to see that this new man might not be that great because (1) a former victim of abuse does not necessarily believe that she deserves, or can do, better and (2) that “tiny bit better” seems monumental. She needs someone outside of her world and paradigm to say, “He is not that great, friend. You deserve better.” One of the most difficult and painful parts of being in this ministry is watching women leave an abusive relationship to return to another one. And we believe it is because former victims of abuse NEED to understand that healing takes time . . . . detoxing . . . a new perspective that is truly Christian. Read more...

4 Things That Are Hurting Your Wife and Killing Your Marriage

Porn. Laziness. Passiveness. Immaturity.
There’s a strange thing happening in our culture today. We seem to have decided, in my generation particularly, to drag our childhood with us into adulthood. That’s why we’re just as adamant consumers of video games, comic books, cartoons, and superhero movies as we were in 1994. It’s not that we should reject these things outright, but with age ought to come a certain perspective, and that perspective ought to help us shove these things to one corner of our lives. Something to indulge in, if we want, from time to time as a means of escape, but not a lifestyle. Not an overpowering, overarching, overwhelming distraction that consumes us and turns us into shiftless, lethargic overgrown juveniles. Read more... 

5 ways you are unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage

You might be surprised to figure out you are doing these five destructive things that will ultimately ruin your relationship with your spouse. Here are just a few ways you might be unknowingly destroying your husband and killing your marriage (as a caveat, please understand that although this article is directed toward women, it applies to men as well): Read more... 

10 Marriage Tips Every WIFE Needs to Hear

I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years.  You see – I’m now in my third marriage.  When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it.  We’ve learned better, so now we do better.  Read more...

The Hopeless Marriage

Hopelessness is a small step from spiritual neediness, which is the foundation of all change.
Most marriages have times when one spouse does not like the other, and the dislike is usually mutual—at least my “friends” tell me that is accurate, though I’m confident that even when my wife thinks she doesn’t like me, she secretly—very secretly—likes me. For some of us, these times happen less frequently and we manage them with more skill and grace. For others, mutual dislike is chronic rather than acute, and marital hopelessness becomes the rule. Read more...

The 9 Most Overlooked Threats to a Marriage

I feel bad for marital communication, because it gets blamed for everything. For generations, in survey after survey, couples have rated marital communication as the number one problem in marriage. It’s not…
1. We marry people because we like who they are... 2. Marriage doesn’t take away our loneliness... 3. Shame baggage... 4. Ego wins... 5. Life is messy and marriage is life... 6. Empathy is hard... 7. We care more about our children than about the one who helped us make them... 8. The hidden power struggle... 9. We don’t know how to maintain interest in one thing or one person anymore.
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How An Affair Really Begins

At some point, we have all witnessed the devastation of an affair. On the one hand, it is shocking just how much can be destroyed by the act of one person sharing sexual intimacy with another. But on the other hand, it is not shocking at all when we consider how much meaning God has packed into marriage and into the sexual relationship within marriage.

One of the great misconceptions about affairs is that they begin with sex. Affairs do not begin with sex. Falling into bed with a man who is not your husband or a woman who is not your wife is never a sudden, unplanned event. Instead, it is a culminating decision in a long list of terrible, self-centered decisions.

1) ELIMINATE
An affair begins much farther back, when you begin to eliminate intimacy in your marriage.
Affairs do not begin when you experience sexual intimacy with someone who is not your spouse. An affair begins much farther back, when you begin to eliminate intimacy in your marriage. This is not only the intimacy of sex, but the intimacy that comes by dating, by long face-to-face conversations, and by physical affection. Instead of pursuing your wife, you grow hard and complacent. The joy fades, the discontentment rises.

2) ENCOUNTER

3) ENJOY

4) EXPEDITE

5) EXPRESS

6) EXPERIENCE
Read more...

Steps to Rebuild a Marriage

Even though an affair is a devastating trial, it can be used by God to redeem a marriage and move it to a place that is far better than either partner imagined.
The problems in the marriage did not cause the affair and this in no way justifies the adultery. Yet it can still be a place where both people grow. Both can admit their own failures, sins and weaknesses and make new commitments to the marriage. This happens more effectively when the spouse who has committed adultery is honest and open about what they have done and clearly states their spouse was not the cause of the affair. Read more...

10 Personalities that Have No Place in Christian Marriage

Thoughts on how not to behave in marriage.
As a pastor, who has counseled many couples, and as a veteran of sixteen years of marriage, I have found that these ten personalities have no place in Christian marriage: Read more...