7th. Commandment. Controversial Subjects About Sexuality & Marriage

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Bible believing Christians are heavily criticised in our contemporary culture for our desire to hold to traditional Christian morality: Sex is a gift of God which is only to be celebrated with in the confines of marriage between one man and one woman. What has been common sense for most of history, nearly all religions, and almost every culture is not being condemned as being harsh, judgemental and even driving people to suicide. However, despite these criticisms, we do believe that God knows better and is far more compassionate than the sexual revolutionaries who now dominate our culture. Some of these articles should help you understand why.

Defending Traditional Marriage

The Children of Married Parents do Better Than the Children of Unmarried Parents

Many children who in the past would have had two married parents could have two cohabiting parents instead. Why should the lack of a legal or religious tie affect anyone’s well-being?

There are three reasons to be concerned about this dramatic shift in family life.

First, marriage is a commitment that cohabitation is not. Taking a vow before friends and family to support another person “until death do us part” signals a mutual sense of shared responsibility that cannot be lightly dismissed. Cohabitation is more fragile — cohabiting parents split up before their fifth anniversary at about twice the rate of married parents.  Often, this is because the father moves on, leaving the mother not just with less support but with fewer marriage prospects. For her, marriage requires finding a partner willing to take responsibility for someone else’s kids.

Second, a wealth of research strongly suggests that marriage is good for children. Those who live with their biological parents do better in school and are less likely to get pregnant or arrested. They have lower rates of suicide, achieve higher levels of education and earn more as adults. Meanwhile, children who spend time in single-parent families are more likely to misbehave, get sick, drop out of high school and be unemployed.

It isn’t clear why children who live with their unmarried biological parents don’t do as well as kids who live with married ones. Adults who marry may be different from those who cohabit, divorce or become unwed mothers. Although studies try to adjust for these differences, researchers can’t measure all of them. People in stable marriages may have better relationship skills, for instance, or a greater philosophical or religious commitment to union that improves parenting. Still, raising children is a daunting responsibility. Two committed parents typically have more time and resources to do it well.

Third, marriage brings economic benefits. It usually means two breadwinners, or one breadwinner and a full-time, stay-at-home parent with no significant child-care expenses. Unlike Murphy Brown — who always had the able Eldin by her side — most women do not have the flexibility afforded a presumably highly paid broadcast journalist. And it’s not just a cliche that two can live more cheaply than one; a single set of bills for rent, utilities and other household expenses makes a difference. Though not necessarily better off than a cohabiting couple, a married family is much better off than its single-parent counterpart. Source.

The Spiritual Costs of the Missing Family

As marriages become less frequent and occur later in life, there’s been an increase in cohabitation, or “living together,” reports a study by the Institute for American Values and the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. In fact, cohabitation has increased 14-fold since 1970. Today’s children are much more likely to spend time in a cohabiting household than to see their parents divorce, the study reports. W. Bradford Wilcox, director of the National Marriage Project, told National Review, “This is bad news because children in cohabitating relationships are more likely to do poorly in school, to use drugs, to have emotional problems, and to be abused, compared with children in intact, married families.”

Rich Lowry of National Review, citing the study, summarizes: “There is simply no substitute for marriage, for the relative stability and commitment it provides, and for the environment it creates for children … . Cohabiting couples with a child are more than twice as likely to break up as married parents. Only 24 percent of children of married parents experience a change in the relationship status of their mothers by age 12. The figure for the children of cohabiting couples is 65 percent.” Read more...

The Poverty Problem Is A Marriage Problem

The poverty rate among married couples is less than half the national average. “Wherever we look—whether in the streets or the social science research—we find confirmation that the breakdown of the family is correlated with societal ills such as poverty. We know the cause and we know the cure. But do we have the will as a nation to do what will be required to discourage divorce and single parenthood and encourage the development of strong marriages?” Read more...

Same-Sex Marriage and Relationships

Why Same-Sex Marriage Will Never Measure Up To The Real Thing

According to American icon and signer of the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson, “The care of human life and happiness and not their destruction is the first and only legitimate object of good government.”

This bit of wisdom is seen in many of America’s policies and traditions, including the abolition of slavery and our respect for religious liberty.

It’s also why marriage deserves special attention from government — and its redefinition does not.

What is it about marriage that earns special attention from government when no other sexual relationship does? As David told Huffington Post reporter Jen Bendery last month on a panel at The Daily Caller, marriage has numerous benefits that are exclusive to heterosexual relationships.

Here are four reasons same-sex marriage will never measure up to the real thing:

1. The Species Only Survives Because Of Heterosexual Relationships

Marriage produces more taxpayers. By providing a social stamp of approval and public policies friendly to marriage, government is encouraging the survival of the human species and the creation of more tax dollars in the environment that — study after study has found — is best for children. Read more... 

Emotional Problems among Children with Same-Sex Parents

Donald Paul Sullins
The Catholic University of America
Published in The British Journal of Education, Society and Behavioural Sciences

Results: Emotional problems were over twice as prevalent (minimum risk ratio (RR) 2.4, 95% confidence interval (CI) 1.7-3.0) for children with same-sex parents than for children with opposite-sex parents. Risk was elevated in the presence of parent psychological distress (RR 2.7, CI 1.8-4.3, p (t) < .001), moderated by family instability (RR 1.3, CI 1.2-1.4) and unaffected by stigmatization (RR 2.4, CI 1.4-4.2), though these all had significant direct effects on emotional problems. However, biological parentage nullified risk alone and in combination with any iteration of factors. Joint biological parents are associated with the lowest rate of child emotional problems by a factor of 4 relative to same-sex parents, accounting for the bulk of the overall same-sex/opposite-sex difference.

Conclusion: Joint biological parentage, the modal condition for opposite-sex parents but not possible for same-sex parents, sharply differentiates between the two groups on child emotional problem outcomes. The two groups are different by definition. Intact opposite-sex marriage ensures children of the persistent presence of their joint biological parents; same-sex marriage ensures the opposite. However, further work is needed to determine the mechanisms involved. Read more... 

Why Moms and Dads Both Matter in Marriage

Mothers and fathers are not interchangeable—they both add distinct benefits to the development of children. Courts and legislatures can change legal definitions, but they cannot alter biology or psychology. Read more... 

My Father Was Gay. Why I Oppose Legalizing Same-Sex Marriage.

It took me decades to come to my views on same-sex “marriage” in light of my personal experiences. From infancy, I was unwittingly identified under the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transsexual (GLBT) umbrella. During the first 30 years of my life, I garnered many personal, social and professional experiences with my father, whom I always loved, and his partners.... Due to media silencing, political correctness, GLBT lobbying efforts and loss of freedom of speech, it is very hard to tell my story. But I am not alone. Over 50 adult children from alternative households, plus ex-spouses with children, and parents who have left the “gay” lifestyle have contacted me. Very few children will share their stories publicly. For many of us adult children of gay parents, we have come to the conclusion that same-sex marriage is more about promoting adults’ ” “desires” than about safeguarding children’s rights to know and be raised by their biological parents. Read more... 

Review: Conjugal Union: What Marriage Is And Why It Matters

'What Is Marriage?' can be credited for reviving natural law arguments about the nature of marriage within the public square as well as the evangelical world. Conjugal Union isn’t a book about the Bible’s view on marriage; it’s a philosophical account that works out the ethical and legal ramifications of a controversial view. But it’s the kind of book that will help us read the Bible and other books better, as it will reward patient and attentive readers with new thoughts on human sexuality. Conjugal Union is philosophical meat, and even if readers don’t leave satisfied with the meal, they won’t go hungry for reading it. Read more... 

Transgender Issues

Gender Ideology Harms Children

The American College of Pediatricians urges educators and legislators to reject all policies that condition children to accept as normal a life of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex. Facts – not ideology – determine reality.

1. Human sexuality is an objective biological binary trait: “XY” and “XX” are genetic markers of health – not genetic markers of a disorder. The norm for human design is to be conceived either male or female. Human sexuality is binary by design with the obvious purpose being the reproduction and flourishing of our species. This principle is self-evident. The exceedingly rare disorders of sexual differentiation (DSDs), including but not limited to testicular feminization and congenital adrenal hyperplasia, are all medically identifiable deviations from the sexual binary norm, and are rightly recognized as disorders of human design. Individuals with DSDs do not constitute a third sex.
2. No one is born with a gender. Everyone is born with a biological sex. Gender (an awareness and sense of oneself as male or female) is a sociological and psychological concept; not an objective biological one. No one is born with an awareness of themselves as male or female; this awareness develops over time and, like all developmental processes, may be derailed by a child’s subjective perceptions, relationships, and adverse experiences from infancy forward. People who identify as “feeling like the opposite sex” or “somewhere in between” do not comprise a third sex. They remain biological men or biological women.
3. A person’s belief that he or she is something they are not is, at best, a sign of confused thinking.When an otherwise healthy biological boy believes he is a girl, or an otherwise healthy biological girl believes she is a boy, an objective psychological problem exists that lies in the mind not the body, and it should be treated as such. These children suffer from gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria (GD), formerly listed as Gender Identity Disorder (GID), is a recognized mental disorder in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-V). The psychodynamic and social learning theories of GD/GID have never been disproved.
4. Puberty is not a disease and puberty-blocking hormones can be dangerous. Reversible or not, puberty- blocking hormones induce a state of disease – the absence of puberty – and inhibit growth and fertility in a previously biologically healthy child.
5. According to the DSM-V, as many as 98% of gender confused boys and 88% of gender confused girls eventually accept their biological sex after naturally passing through puberty.
6. Children who use puberty blockers to impersonate the opposite sex will require cross-sex hormones in late adolescence. Cross-sex hormones are associated with dangerous health risks including but not limited to high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke and cancer.
7. Rates of suicide are twenty times greater among adults who use cross-sex hormones and undergo sex reassignment surgery, even in Sweden which is among the most LGBQT – affirming countries. What compassionate and reasonable person would condemn young children to this fate knowing that after puberty as many as 88% of girls and 98% of boys will eventually accept reality and achieve a state of mental and physical health?
8. Conditioning children into believing a lifetime of chemical and surgical impersonation of the opposite sex is normal and healthful is child abuse. Endorsing gender discordance as normal via public education and legal policies will confuse children and parents, leading more children to present to “gender clinics” where they will be given puberty-blocking drugs. This, in turn, virtually ensures that they will “choose” a lifetime of carcinogenic and otherwise toxic cross-sex hormones, and likely consider unnecessary surgical mutilation of their healthy body parts as young adults. Read more...

Pre-marital Sex

Ten Myths About Premarital Sex

The empirical data suggests that these are not true most of the time. There are exceptions, of course.

MYTH 1: Long-term relationships are a thing of the past

Many emerging adults (ages 18-23) tend to hold two views in tension—that sexual experimentation is valuable and yet one should not cheat on a monogamous partner. Indeed, many consider it stupid and unhealthy notto be sexually active in various relational settings. And yet most desire a lasting exclusive relationship. According to the research of Regnerus and Uecker, at least 50 percent of marriages last a lifetime, despite what most emerging adults tend to think.

MYTH 2: Sex is necessary to maintain a struggling relationship

The reality is that most relationships fail and the sooner one introduces sex into the relationship the greater chance it will fail.

MYTH 3: The sexual double standard between men and women is wrong and should be resisted

The authors of Premarital Sex in America argue that there are genuine differences in how men and women approach and experience sex that are deeply engrained. They conclude, “Unfortunately, many well-meaning adults and educators want so badly to dismantle the double standard that they work to normalize any and all consensual sexual relationships, rather than considering whether common experiences of sexual regret are in fact telling us something” (244).

MYTH 4: Boys are sexual beings and cannot be expected to follow sexual norms

MYTH 5: You are entirely in charge of your own sexuality; others’ decisions don’t matter

MYTH 6: Porn will not affect your relationships

MYTH 7: Others are having more sex than you

MYTH 8: Sex doesn’t need to mean much

MYTH 9: Marriage can wait for later

MYTH 10: Living together is a positive step towards marriage
Source

Satan’s Strategy to Destroy Your Marriage Before it Begins

One of Satan’s most effective strategies to corrupt the Gospel portraying union of marriage is to attack couples before they say “I do” through sexual sin. There is a world of difference between pre-marital sex and sex within marriage. One of the reasons for this is that in pre-marital sex the forbidden fruit of lust portrays sex as something that it isn’t always in marriage. Most normally, pre-marital sexual activity is like gas on fire. The passion is high, the feelings are intense, and the drive to go further is fueled by the fact that you know you shouldn’t (Rom. 7:8). Sex in marriage is different. Read more... 

Purity After Impurity

The consequences of sin are sometimes painful, but the recognition of that pain helps protect you from perpetuating a sinful lifestyle. Shame resulting from sexual sin can be great, especially for Christian women. We're supposed to be good girls. We're supposed to push men away (and coyly, mind you) when they make advances at us. It's part of our moral and cultural DNA. So when we stray from that expectation, we feel weak, dirty, and unworthy. And we fear that other people, particularly our future husband, will see us that way as well.
The two of us (Tammy and Julia) were Christians when we each fell into sexual sin. We both engaged in premarital sex, and we both became pregnant because of it. Our sin was broadcasted to those around us in a very visual way and would live with us for the rest of our lives. We couldn't hide from our sin; we had to accept the consequences that came from it. Doing so required humility and daily acceptance of God's grace.
We have learned, through our experiences and through God's Word, that the way to combat remorse and shame in this area is to: Read more...

Pornography

Pornography: How It Works and How to Reverse Its Effects (Part 1 of 2)

Introduction: Pornography is defined as “the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement,”1 and it is obvious that pornography is an epidemic in our society. It is imperative that we as Christians understand this epidemic and equip ourselves to live righteously in its midst. Read more... 

Slave Master How Pornography Drugs & Changes Your Brain

While some have avoided using the term “addiction” in the context of natural compulsions such as uncontrolled sexuality, overeating, or gambling, let us consider current scientific evidence regarding the brain and addiction.

This article will seek to answer two questions: (1) Biologically, is the brain affected by pornography and other sexual addictions? (2) If so, and if such addictions are widespread, can they have a societal effect as well? Read more... 

What I Wish I'd Known Before Watching Porn

Pornography is a charged subject, and it's a word that rarely crosses the lips of most women. Yes, there are now breeds of the modern woman who watch, talk and joke about it regularly, but most of us still stay farther away from speaking the word than we actually stay away from it.

Over the last couple of years, men have begun to enter the discussion, but women have remained primarily silent. For most of us, it's still the men's world, but statistics show that, at least in Australia, more than one-third of pornography viewers are women. Just last week, I received an email from a girl who leads a small women's group; they'd just discovered that every single one of them were watching porn. Read more...

Italian men suffer 'sexual anorexia' after Internet porn use

But condition is reversible, experts say. (ANSA) - Rome - More and more young Italian men are suffering from 'sexual anorexia' and are unable to get erections because of Internet porn use that started in their mid-teens, experts have said.

A survey of 28,000 users found that many Italian males started an "excessive consumption" of porn sites as early as 14 and after daily use in their early to mid-20s became inured to "even the most violent" images, said Carlo Foresta, head of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine (SIAMS).

After developing their sexuality largely divorced from real-life relationships, Foresta said, the effects were gradual but devastating.

"It starts with lower reactions to porn sites, then there is a general drop in libido and in the end it becomes... Read more...

When Your Husband Is Addicted To Pornography

The book is not a manual on how to fix your husband, it is also more specifically geared for encountering the first level of sexual addiction, which is pornography.  The loss of trust, the fear, lies, wrestling with constant suspicion, and rejection are but a few of the topics addressed in this book. It is pretty heavy. But someone experiencing these very heartaches in their marriage will be comforted to hear from others who have been through similar experiences, and can point them to the One Comfort that they will always have—Christ is with us in our joy and in our pain. Read more...

How do you counsel a husband who has revealed a struggle with pornography to his wife?

Every pastor already faces this.  Unfortunately, I fear the problem will only become more common in the future; that is marriage counseling as a result of a husband’s struggle with pornogrpahy.  The work to restore trust and intimacy within a marriage deeply affected by this sinful struggle is only possible through the gospel and applied most effectively within the local church; having said that, consider six practical ways that husband can reestablish trust and intimacy with his hurting wife: Read more... 

How Do You Counsel a Wife Who Has Been Harmed by Her Husband’s Struggle with Pornography?

6 suggestions for hurting wives to help her husband as well as find forgiveness. Last week, I referred to 6 ways to counsel a husband who has harmed his wife with his pornography struggle. What about the wife? Although many are harmed by a husband’s struggle with pornography, no one is harmed more than his wife. How does a pastor care and counsel a wife who has been harmed by her husband’s struggle. Here are 6 suggestions for hurting wives to help her husband as well as find forgiveness: Read more...